Meme - a look backwards

10 years ago – my baby girl was 9 months old, and my baby boy was 2 ½. I stayed at home with them in our favorite house with a pool. The three of us were happy together, but not as a family. Who knew what would happen…
9 years ago – I still stayed at home with my great babies, and got to watch them discover so many new things every day. We had great picnics on our porch, swimming in the backyard, and great story time at the library. My sister was a neighbor!
8 years ago – the babies are growing up more, and my son started preschool. How could that be, that someone else would be watching him grow and teaching him things? He hated to color even then! The ex-husband took a job without talking to me first – a 2 ½ hour drive away (each way)…the beginning of the end, I think now.
7 years ago – I got to watch that baby boy start kindergarten, we could walk to school every day if we wanted to – baby girl in her stroller. It was fun to have that alone time with baby girl like baby boy and I had in the beginning. Such sweet souls they both were.
6 years ago – As baby girl said in a poster in Kindergarten – hated 2002. Kiddos’ lives turned upside down. One day baby boy went off to kindergarten, the next day, daddy never came home. I guess it turned my life upside down too, but I tend to forget about me. I wanted to protect the kiddos. But when seeing from the rear view mirror of the mind, I know that God was working together something good, even through something horrific. Abuse, arrest (not for me, thank God), conviction – even some jail time, although not enough, but even that can be seen as for the best for the three of us. Oh well, certainly not what I had pictured for my life. Thank goodness we don’t get everything we ask God for.
5 years ago – divorce, return to work at first part time, leaving babies with other people every day – school or day care – how could this be, how would I stand it. It was not fun. But, a part time job I really loved, people to care for me and the kiddos and help us. What many blessings were showered down on us. The house we loved is gone, but now we have a home where we know no fear, only love.
4 years ago – baby girl goes to kindergarten, leaving her is so very hard, especially when I can hear her screaming for me as I walk down the hall, crying while going back to work full time. She is a tougher soul than I thought, and a little smarty girl too. What an amazing baby girl she is. Baby Boy, growing up but still so young, he’s the man of the house now, and such a sweet soul.
3 years ago – I meet someone amazing, see how people who love each other are supposed to be. Move to a new city closer to that better job, but away from our support network and our church family. Changes come and go – that wonderful man has challenges of his own, goes back on his own battle, leaves us behind. Again, God still works. Kiddos and I find a peace in our lives together. We spend our first Christmas alone – just the three of us, and it is okay. Our family may not look like any of us drew the picture, but it is what we have and we love each other …and we are all safe. For us, that is a big thing.
2 years ago – God works in so many ways – brings back that same wonderful man. We find out we still love each other, get married, make a new family. Again, it may not look like a drawing in a fairy tale, but our kids are wonderful, amazing souls, and we are a family together. The thing they forget to tell you is that when you already have kids – there is no easy way to be just husband and wife. Mom and Dad have lots of responsibilities on top of needing to be the best for each other. How do you ever find the balance?
1 year ago – I can honestly say one of the toughest years of my life, in so many ways, but with so many blessings too. We grow, we change, but we stay and love each other. The oldest baby girl comes to live with us, and it’s like it should have always been that way. Even though there are things happening that I wish I could erase forever, I know that there is love in the fact that every day, either one of us could choose to go away and not look back, but we each continue to choose to love the other and be there even when we don’t want to. It is not perfect, but it is real. Life should be real, and not in denial.
I think you can safely say that this life is not in any way what I pictured it would be, but I wouldn’t trade this husband or children I have for any that I could imagine.
Thanks to Jennifer at http://movinghands.wordpress.com/ for the meme idea. I really haven’t thought about where my life has led me. I’m glad to have looked back.